Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Where do I begin?

Sometimes it is hard to understand what God has in store for us. It seems like we follow His plan and what we have in mind is not what He has planned for our lives.

Chris and I have been married for almost five years! We really love life and have enjoyed the journey that we have traveled thus far. God has blessed us in so many ways and we are extremely grateful. We enjoy spending time with our friends and families. We like to think that we are adventurous people. We tend to do things spur of the moment and we really love trying new things.

Our story begins a little over three years ago. We decided that we would like to start a family. This is such an exciting decision for a couple. I remember the talks that we had before we decided it was time...finances, family, baby names, how to tell family and friends. Unfortunately, nothing happened so we decided to seek medical help. Well, we tried chlomid for almost a year and nothing happened. (Poor Chris - he had to deal with my crazy mood swings) The next year we decided to go to a reproductive encronologist. The doctor diagnosed me with PCOS which is short for Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome and it causes infertility. Although I was diagnosed with PCOS, there are several medical treatments that can work for people with PCOS. We decided to try several different things to increase our chances of getting pregnant. First, I had laproscopic surgery. This did not work so we decided to try Gonal F shots. Again, we were disappointed that this did not work either. For our own sake, we decided to take a break. We did not attempt anything for almost six months and it was wonderful. Although we still desired to have a child, it was a nice break from the emotional roller coaster that we had been on for two years. In December of 2007, we decided to try the last possible medical intervention to help us get pregnant. In-vitro fertilization is a very complicated procedure that is both physically and emotionally exhausting. To prepare for this process, Chris and I decided to take on the IVF challenge. Starting in August we put everything into working out and eating right. I have to say, I am pretty proud on how motivated we were during this time. We called it the IVF Challenge. We wanted to make sure that we put 110% into this procedure since it is expensive. Well, after fifty or so shots, 8 ultrasounds and 3 days in the hospital we found out that the IVF procedure was unsuccessful.
For several years, we have chosen not to share a lot of details with our friends. We did this for several reasons. We felt like this was a personal matter and we did not feel comfortable talking about this with others. Also, several of our friends were talking about starting families and it really tends to make the conversation somewhat uncomfortable because people do not know how to respond. Majority of couples do not face infertility; however, since we have gone through it, we understand and we do not expect others to know what it feels like to be in our shoes.

Although this was a very difficult time for us in our lives, we feel like God has a plan for us and he will not forsake us. To be honest, this was one of the most difficult times in our lives. It is hard to understand why God chose us to go through infertility. Isn't it God that puts the desire in our heart to want children? Why wouldn't he grant the desires of our heart? From a woman's perspective, I think most of us want to be pregnant. You want to know what it feels like to have a baby inside. You want to feel it kick. You want to wear maternity clothes. We want to see the combination of your genes with your husband's genes. When we received word that the IVF procedure didn't work, it was like my dreams came to a crashing hault. I know that we are young and God performs miracles everyday; however, we also have to understand that biological children may not be in His plan and we have to accept it.

Although we have days that are harder than others, each day is getting easier. My hope is that our story will help others to know that they are not alone. People that deal with infertility often feel alone. We understand. It hurts. The pain is there and often there are constant reminders of people asking "when are you going to have children?" Since we are at the age where or friends are starting their families, we don't want people to not share their joys with us. Although we are taking a different path than others, we are excited for people who can get pregnant. It is truely a miracle and we love to share the joys with our friends and families.

This brings me to where we are at today. We are just beginning the adoption process and God has led us to Ethiopia. We are so excited even though it is a long process. We will try to update this blog with our journey to our child that God has chosen for us.

Today I took Audra (the girl I work with) with me to get copies of my marriage license so I could update my passport. I haven't changed my last name on it because I am cheap and it costs $67 plus I had to get 2 passport photos ($15) so I decided since I will need it for the trip to Ethiopia,
I might as well get started.